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 Hand Tools : Parenting Education:
The
Balanced Parenting
Style
by Ron
Huxley, LMFT
[Get
more special parenting reports here]
The democratic or balanced parenting style is
high on both love and limits. It is based on the democratic
concepts such as equality and trust. Parents and children are
equal in terms of their need for dignity and worth but not in
terms of responsibility and decision making. In large families,
where there are more children than adults, parents would easily
be outvoted, for example, on whether ice-cream should be served
before or after dinner. Parents, like the president in a
democratic society, have veto-power over decisions that may
affect the health and well-being of younger family members.
Balanced parenting styles have a set of balanced parenting
beliefs:
* Parents need to model right from wrong by
their words and their deeds.
* Discipline is different from punishment.
* Blaming and shaming a child is not acceptable.
* Consequences are inevitable and some frustration is O.K.
* Children need encouragement in order to try new activities.
* Children must be taught how to solve problems.
* Discipline is used to teach and guide, not punish, manipulate,
or control.
The underlying principle of all of these beliefs are
independence and responsibility on the part of the child.
Parents present expectations, not demands, to gain a child's
cooperation and respect. The golden rule, to treat others as you
would have them treat you, is at the heart of the democratic or
balanced parenting style. It sets realistic standards of
parenting and values humanness over perfection. Too much love
and parents will be enmeshed with their children. Too many
limits and
parents will become rigid in their relationship with their
children. Finding a balance of love and limits is a precarious
but necessary task.
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