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"ParentWORKS Newsletter"


Did You Know: 

Growth spurts can start as early as 10 days after your baby’s birth.  Growth spurts usually are preceded by a sleepy, lethargic day and a big jump in appetite.  Growth spurts may happen again at 3, 6, and 12 weeks and again at 4 and 6 months.  If you begin to notice that your child is not as satisfied with the amount that you have been feeding her previously, then she may be beginning a growth spurt period.  If you are breastfeeding, you may want to add a feeding or two to satiate your baby’s appetite and to help increase milk production.

Ask Ron: "Dad finds a diary?"

Q: Dear Ron,

I've enjoyed your newsletter that a short few months ago I started to subscribe to & I have to admit I learned a couple of things already! However, as a Father I'm concerned about my daughter. I know as a rule, parents shouldn't snoop at children’s notes or diary entries. I admit that I have found some notes & have accidentally read some diary entries. I found one entry that was very sexually explicit & became rather angry to think that my 16 yr. old daughter would think, write, & draw pictures that really should be left alone until she's a full fledged adult and hopefully a married adult before things of this nature is an issue. I first want to know if it is wrong of me to have read these inferences & secondly I would like to confront my daughter of these notes & entry in her diary. I'm afraid that if I do confront her about this she would be defensive & accuse me of violating her privacy. As you probably can figure out, I don't want to see my daughter getting pregnant because of a possibility of behaving irresponsibly thus ruining her life. I guess I view this as an adult activity that a child is either doing or contemplating doing. Like Dr. Laura has expressed that when a child gets caught then that can't be trusted. Please give me some feed back.

A Concerned Parent

A: Dear Concerned Parent,

You have really gotten yourself into the proverbial “rock and a hard place.” I cringed when I read your letter. Primarily, because you “accidentally” read her letter and because, as a parent, I could have a done the very same thing. Although you did violate her privacy, I won’t set myself up as your judge. Instead, I will give you advice in two forms: One for confronting her and the other, for not confronting. You will have to decide which is best for you.

If you decide to confront her, as many parents, including myself might do, take responsibility for your actions. This will serve as a model of moral and upright behavior that you want for your child. Be honest about reading the diary and notes but explain why you did that (take some time analyzing your emotions honestly here. Did you have some suspicions?) Don’t sugar coat it. State it as fact and apologize for violating her privacy. It is my feeling that as our children’s protectors and guardians, we have the right to read our children’s diaries and notes, if and only if, we have a very good reason. If you were simply snooping around for no prior reason, whatever you found, as a result, will not rationalize your behavior.

If you decide not to confront her, as many parents might do, and as I might too; here are a couple of suggestions: Take preventive action. Your daughter doesn’t sound like she is engaging in sexual activity at this time.
She maybe curious about her body, hormones, and by what she sees around her at school and in the media. The drawings and writings may simply be an indication that your daughter needs more (moral and correct) education on the topic of sex. Provide that for her. Get some books and have some little talks to her about it. Your openness and willingness to talk about it will go a long way to preventing pregnancy and being hurt by early sexual experiences before she is ready to handle them. You don’t have to confess the violation of her privacy if you deal with this proactively. But don’t do it again unless you have good reason.

Blessings,

Ron Huxley, LMFT

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