The following information can be used as a self-study guide on the principles of Natural and Logical Consequences or it can be used in a Parenting Group Format. For more information on having a speaker present the following information at your organization, Click Here.

• General Guidelines
• Natural Consequences
• Logical Consequences
• How Logical Consequences Work
• How to Use Logical Consequences Effectively
• General Guidelines for Setting Limits
• Things to Remember
• Examples
• Adlerian Child Guidance Principles
• References and Resources

1. Actions produce consequences.
2. Choose an action, receive the consequence.
3. We are all responsible for our actions.
4. We are all held accountable for our choices.
5. We must discipline ourselves. (Gibson)

1. Discipline means to TEACH and MODEL appropriate behavior. This involves activating the child's self-esteem, setting appropriate structures and boundaries, and providing lots of good hugs. The child benefits more from being valued than evaluated. Tell your child when they have done something well. They appreciate compliments just like we do.
2. To begin the process of shaping behavior or compliance, identify the motivating reasons for the behavior. See Adlerian handout. (Attention, power, revenge, feel inadequate)
3. Decide whose problem it is. If a natural consequence is available, the problem is the child's. If the foster parents want to shape the behavior or compliance, the foster parent has the problem and uses logical consequences.
4. Bribes don't work long-term. Little will be gained by punishing bad behavior or giving the child candy to be quiet (except short-term compliance).
5. Teach children that behavior and actions have consequences. Children who experience consequences learn they have some control over their lives. They are free to choose their own behaviors as long as they are ready to accept the consequences. They cannot blame anyone else for their choices. Let your child experience the consequences of his behavior - if it is safe to do so. The sooner they learn the impact of their behavior, the sooner they can adjust their behavior and learn that they can control themselves and that they do have the power of choice. Using consequences can help a child develop a sense of responsibility. Consequences are learning experiences that facilitate effective decision-making in the future.
6. Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the behavior in question, and should be short enough in duration that you can continue with the positives of daily life. It focuses on what happens now.
7. Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and to the child's age. Consequences are neither harsh nor arbitrary. Advance notice removes "arbitrary." Always state the guidelines, boundaries, and expectations clearly before consequences are implemented. Don't leave any questions about directions. All consequences must be Reasonable, Respectful of the child, and Related to the identified behavior. Therefore, consequences don't shame or punish the child. The emphasis is on learning. ("You now know the consequences for those actions, so it is now your choice to do them or not.").
8. Providing reasonable choices reduces power struggles and can facilitate problem- solving. Offer choices in a positive way. It is easier for a child to make a choice to comply if they know they will get something they want than to make a choice to avoid a negative consequence. Thank your child when she makes the right choice.
9. Foster parents need to develop appropriate and thoughtful consequences. This is the thinking person's method of parenting. The goal is to eliminate all exasperation, yelling and threatening. Foster parents must remain calm and matter-of-fact. Remain neutral and show no attitude of judgment, good or bad, right or wrong. The goal is to place the burden of behavior control onto the child. This takes a major investment of time - and it is worth it. This process can help in avoiding the conflict cycle, which we address in LSCI.
10. If appropriate, let the child help decide the consequence. "Because the problem is the child's and he is in charge of the choices he makes, it's a good idea to ask him what he thinks a good consequence might be. This makes it more likely the child will do what you ask. And if he chooses not to do it, he was part of the team that decided what the consequence would be. Children often come up with better consequences than parents when given the chance." (LeFebvre)
11. Consistency is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. If the foster parents are not consistent, they inadvertently reinforce the undesired behavior. Don't try to "save" the child by stepping in and "helping." Also, don't demonstrate pity for the child, or try to keep the child from being unhappy with you by compensating for consequences with special privileges later. Foster parents are not in a popularity contest. We are here to guide children to cope with life in a healthy way. Be firm and respectful.
12. As children deal with consequences, feelings may intensify for both children and foster parents. Don't get hooked. Be aware of your feelings and reactions because your child will be aware of them! Maintain a calm environment. Disciplining with consequences leads to warmer relationships between children and foster parents and results in fewer conflicts. There is no judgment here, no right or wrong. Focus on what is NOW.
13. This may require a major adjustment by foster parents in thinking, feeling, and reacting. They must alter their views of discipline and child management. Foster parents must think things out in advance. This form of parenting requires that parents place the control for their children's outcomes into their children's hands. Parental use of guilt ("I would be so disappointed if you did..."), manipulation ("If you hadn't done that, then this wouldn't have happened to you..."), and intimidation ("You better not do this or else the following will happen to you...") won't work in teaching the desired, long-term behaviors.
14. Always remind yourself and your children that the goal of natural and logical consequences is to assist them to accept responsibility for their own lives so that they can grow up into self-sufficient, independent adults with healthy self-esteem.

1. Natural consequences are those things that happen as a result of your child's behavior without parental involvement. For example: peer relationships, school situations, nature, or police involvement.
2. Natural consequences are the best teachers of discipline. Natural consequences let the child learn personally, the hard way. Children should be allowed to take safe risks, to take as many "knocks" from their own decisions and actions as possible; they'll learn from these.
3. Situations presenting natural consequences occur frequently throughout the day. The main reason children do not learn from natural consequences is that parents tend to protect them from consequences. Foster parents must not continue to rescue children from natural consequences. However, one must intervene to protect children from harm, permanent injury, or death.
4. Working with natural consequences means allowing events to simply run their course. However, if the consequence is too far in the future, you will want to find a logical consequence. For example: the quality of schoolwork impacts one's future job or educational opportunities.
5. The environment demonstrates a clear lesson of cause and effect.
6. The environment provides a consequence without the need for parental intervention.
7. When natural consequences are experienced, no lecture or lengthy comments are necessary or welcome.
8. Don't use natural consequences if child is in danger of hurting self or others, is destroying property, or is being aggressive to another child.

1. Logical consequences are used when natural consequences are not available or appropriate. Logical consequences must be relevant to the behavior the foster parent wants to decrease or increase. Logical consequences must make sense. The foster parent arranges them.
2. The principle behind logical consequences is that privileges must be earned and maintained through responsible action, since that is the way most of life operates.
3. Expectations must be clearly defined and explained to the child and be understood by the child before implementing a consequence. The child needs to clearly understand the consequence and know how to earn a positive consequence or avoid a negative consequence. Then the child learns she is responsible for her own actions. For instance, telling a teenager to "be home at a reasonable time" and then grounding him or her for coming in late is not logical after the fact. Before leaving home, the teenager must have a clear time, such as 6:00 p.m., that must be understood by the foster parent and the teenager. It is not logical to expect a child to be home "at a reasonable time".
4. Guidelines, expectations, choices, and consequences must be clearly stated and understood before the child is able to learn to take responsibility for his or her own consequences by choosing his or her behavior. The long-term goal is to have the child internalize personal responsibility for his or her own behavior and life choices. Invite your child into the process of determining consequences. Logical consequences can be fun and creative. If possible, link consequences to privileges to maximize the lessons that children can learn.
5. Positive VS. negative consequences. Positive consequences offer the child something positive. For example: "After you clean your room, we can...(play catch, go shopping, bake cookies, etc.)." "When you complete your homework, then you may watch TV." As opposed to: "If you don't clean your room, you will not be allowed to..." Provide positive consequences whenever possible.
6. Consequences should be as immediate as possible. "If you bring your bike into the garage now, you will be allowed to ride it again tomorrow" presents a positive consequence but one that may be too far away. And, from the child's past experiences, he or she may think that you will forget by tomorrow.
7. Parents should tell the child what the consequences are for breaking a rule before they break it, such as being grounded for coming in after the specified time. If the child knows the consequences of complying or not complying, then the child has a choice. Children must understand that they have choices and must accept the

consequences of their choices. The child needs to know the reason for the consequence. Foster parents must be willing to accept the child's decision.

8. Using consequences removes the foster parent from the role of the "heavy." This allows the foster parent to be the person who sees that the child's decisions are honored. The child may be less likely to blame parents for their own poor choices. This may enable them to become more responsible for their own behavior.
9. NEVER USE A THREAT. Threats have no teaching value. They teach a child to be afraid rather than teaching him to problem-solve. A threat of physical punishment is a State violation of Personal Rights. Remember to clearly define house rules and set consequences well in advance of expected compliance to eliminate the "arbitrary" effect. It is not helpful to say, "If you do this, I'll take _________ away from you," or "If you misbehave, you can't go to the movies with us." Rather say, "Our agreement is that _______ for you to be able to _________," or "Our agreement is that homework needs to be completed before you can play outside. If your homework is completed sooner, you can _______. If you go play outside before your homework is completed, then ________."
10. Don't let consequences accumulate. If you ground a child for every misbehavior, it can add up to a year! That is ineffective.
11. Be careful to not get caught in a negative cycle: "Every time I want 'candy' I will act out. I will act up so that I'll get a 'reward'." Use a form of consequence that sets a goal. For instance, "Every day that you do not have a tantrum, you will receive a point or a sticker. When you have 3, 5, or 7 (choose a realistic number) you will receive a reward that we have agreed on." Or, "Every day that you complete your chores without a prompt, you will earn a point or sticker. When you have earned "X" number of stickers you will receive the predetermined reward." When the goal is met, they have earned the predetermined number of points or stickers, then they earn the reward that you and the child have agreed upon.
12. Don't give up after a few tries. Consequences must be repeated consistently over a period of time to have a lasting effect on behavior. Consistency is a must.

(Dinkmeyer, McKay, Dinkmeyer)

1. They communicate the rules of social living:

"I am trying to talk on the phone right now, so either play quietly, or go to another room to play."

2. They are related to the misbehavior and help a child make the connection between actions and consequences:

Your child has dropped and broken a Lego construction belonging to his sister. Missing cartoons that day would not be a related consequence. Having to clean up the mess and apologize would be more logical.

3. They separate the deed from the doer:

When your child deliberately rips a page in a storybook, you let him know that is the end of story-time and it's time to find something else to play with.

4. They are concerned with what is happening now, rather than past misbehavior:

Last time your two children slept in the basement, all they did was fight. When they ask to do it again, rather than a mini-lecture about the past, you say, "You can have your slumber party if the two of you play nicely. If there's fighting, you each sleep in your own room."

5. They permit choice:

Individually or in small groups, write a logical consequence for the following behaviors. Then we will review them as a group.

1. Not doing chores

2. Breaking sibling's toy

3. Not getting up on time in the morning

4. Leaving shoes in the middle of the room

5. Not sharing toys or games

1. Let the child's decision stand: Sometimes children are indecisive simply to maintain your attention, or to stall, or because they have difficulty making decisions. The child may feel that they do not have enough information. Make sure that your explanation and choice options are clear. Give the child a time frame in which to make their decision. Let the child know that if they do not make a decision within the time frame that you will make the decision for them. When the child makes a decision, let it stand.
2. With repeated misbehavior, increase the value of the consequence: If your child repeatedly becomes angry and yells when playing with his puzzle, he may not be allowed to play with it for the whole day, rather than just the morning.
3. Phrase the choice respectfully, using a friendly, helpful tone: "You can sit nice for one more story, or you can go with Daddy for bedtime now. You decide." "You may play with the baby if you touch her gently."
4. Say as little as possible: Talking too much and with too much emotion can reinforce a child's behavior by giving them the attention they want. Likewise, avoid nagging, threatening, or "mini-lecturing." Say what needs to be said, and then act.
5. Set clear limits on choices, and make it clear when there is no choice: Only allow two choices. "You may wear the green shirt or the yellow shirt. You may choose." "You may do you homework first or your chores first." It should be clear that there is no playtime until chores and homework are completed. There usually is no choice about bedtime on school nights. Make a clear statement that in fifteen minutes the child needs to be in bed. They may need a reminder to brush their teeth, put their pajamas on, and be in bed.
6. Maintain a non-hostile tone: If parents communicate hostility, consequences will often seem punitive and rejecting. Likewise, they can elicit a defensive reaction in a child ready to meet a challenge, rather than simply teaching and facilitating more appropriate decisions and behaviors. This may not be easy. Giving yourself a quick time-out, or the old stand-by of counting to 10, (while maintaining a relaxed demeanor) may be helpful. (Dinkmeyer, McKay, Dinkmeyer)

Before you act, decide upon what is most important. Set priorities. Decide what you can and cannot live with. You also need to identify those things you can and cannot control. Once you've thought about these issues, use the following steps:

1. Recognize the child's wishes.
2. State your limit.
3. Focus on one action or behavior at a time.
4. Use simple and explicit language.
5. Help the child express disappointment.
6. Provide alternative choices.

After you have completed these steps, it is time for ACTION, NOT WORDS.

Be firm and friendly as you perform these steps. Also keep in mind that you may not need every step in a given situation. For example, in a recurring situation you may need only to state your limit, provide a choice, and then follow through if the child does not comply.

1. Use words that are specific and concrete. "I want you to walk next to me and look with your eyes, not your fingers."

 

2. Preface limits and instructions with authoritative statements. "I want you to ____" or "It's time for you to ____."

 

3. Specify when actions are to be taken. "Right after dinner," or "before three o'clock."

 

4. Be authoritative. "It's time to turn off the TV and come to dinner."

 

5. Give one limit or instruction at a time to children younger than seven.

 

6. Give reasons or explanations BEFORE you set limits. "It's time to go home; please pick up your toys."

 

7. Whenever possible, use positive words and phrases to set limits instead of negative words and phrases. "May I____?" "Yes, just as soon as ______." NOT "NO, not until ____." Avoid, "Would you like to _____?"

 

8. Change negative words to positive words. Say what you want, NOT what you don't want.

 

9. Use as few words as possible.

Some examples of consequences that relate to the behavior might be:

1. If a child continues to whine about many things, a rule can be established that "you can't come out of the 'whine room' until the whining stops."

 

2. If a child leaves the backyard without permission, the consequence can be established that "you can't go outside without a foster parent."

 

3. If a child takes candy from a store, the rule is to "go back and pay for it." Then the child does extra chores to reimburse the foster parent.

 

4. If a child pushes to the front of the line, they get sent to the back of the line.

 

5. If a child is irritable and fussy, the result is that "you go to bed early because you must be tired."

 

6. If a child spills milk, he or she is given a towel to wipe it up.

 

7. If a child scribbles on the bedroom wall with crayons, they clean it up (but not with toxic cleansers. Toothpaste works well.).

 

What are some other logical consequences that can be applied to the following situations:

 

8. The child comes in late.

 

 

9. Doesn't complete homework.

 

 

10. Talks back to you.

Individually or in a small group develop a complete plan for the following vignettes:

1. David, age 13, swears at his foster parents when asked to do a chore or told not to do something.

 

 

 

2. Katie, age 8, refuses to close her bedroom door at night. Once every few nights you wake to find her lurking over your bed at midnight.

 

 

 

3. Sandy, age 11, hides food under her bed, takes food from the kitchen without asking, steals items such as hairbrushes, clothes, and personal items from other family members' bedrooms. She never accepts responsibility for her actions.

 

 

 

 

4. Leslie, age 9, bosses her foster siblings, demanding that they follow her directions and threatening them when they don't respond.

 

 

 

5. Michael, age 5, exposes himself to a neighbor's child and asks him to "play grown-up."

 

 

 

6. Joe, age 16, repeatedly leaves the house at night without permission by climbing out of his bedroom window.

 

 

 

7. Jeffrey, age 10, (or Julie, age 16) refuses to acknowledge your presence when he/she comes home from school. He/She rarely says hello or good-bye or responds to your questions about his/her day.

Mutual respect based on the assumption of equality, is the inalienable right of all human beings. Parents who show respect for the child--while winning his respect for them--teach the child to respect himself and others. Equality in this sense is treating each person with respect and integrity, no matter what their age. This also leaves room for parents to be in charge and to set some non-negotiable rules and limits, but to do so in a respectful manner.

Encouragement implies faith in and respect for the child as he is. A child misbehaves usually when he is discouraged and believes he cannot succeed by useful means.

Feelings of "security" are highly subjective and not necessarily related to the actual situation. Real security cannot be found from the outside; it is only possible to achieve it through the experience and feeling of having overcome difficulties.

Punishment is outdated. A child soon considers that punishment gives him the right to punish in turn, and the retaliation of children is usually more effective than the punishment inflicted by the parents. Children often retaliate by not eating, fighting, neglecting schoolwork, or otherwise misbehaving in ways that are the most disturbing to parents.

Natural and logical consequences are techniques, which allow the child to experience the actual result of his own behavior.

• Natural consequences are the direct result of the child's behavior.
• Logical consequences are established by the parents, and are a direct and logical--not arbitrarily imposed -- consequence of the transgression.
• Natural consequences are usually effective. However, when they are not effective or consequences are too far in the future, use logical consequences.
• Logical consequences can only be applied if there is no power contest; otherwise they degenerate into punitive retaliation.

Acting instead of talking is more effective in conflict situations. Talking provides an opportunity for arguments in which the child can defeat the parent. If the parent maintains a calm, patient attitude, he can, through quiet action, accomplish positive results.

Withdrawal as an effective counteraction: Withdrawal or planned ignoring (leaving the child and walking into another room) is most effective when the child demands undue attention or tries to involve you in a power contest. Often doing nothing effects wonderful results.

Withdrawal from the provocation but not from the child. Don't talk in moments of conflict. Give attention and recognition when children behave well, but not when they demand it with disturbing behavior. The less attention the child gets when he disturbs, the more he needs when he is cooperative. You may feel that anger helps get rid of your own tensions, but it does not teach the child what you think he should learn. Keep your emotions out of the situation.

Don't interfere in children's arguments. By allowing children to resolve their own conflicts they learn to get along better. Many arguments are provoked to get the parent involved, and by separating the children or acting as judge we fall for their provocation, thereby stimulating them to fight more. However, if children are hurting each other, your intervention is necessary.

Fighting requires cooperation. We tend to consider cooperation as inherent in a positive relationship only. When children fight they are also cooperating in a mutual endeavor. Often the younger, weaker child provokes a fight so the parents will act against the older child. When two children fight, they are both participating and are equally responsible.

Take time for training and teaching the child essential skills and habits. Don't attempt to train a child in a moment of conflict or in company. The parent who "does not have time" for such training will have to spend more time correcting an untrained child.

Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.

Overprotection pushes a child down. Parents may feel they are giving when they act for a child; actually they are taking away the child's right to learn and develop. Parents have an unrecognized prejudice against children; they assume children are incapable of acting responsibly. When parents begin to have faith that their children can behave in a responsible way, while allowing them to do so, the children will assume their own responsibilities.

Over-responsible parents often produce irresponsible children. Parents who take on the responsibility of the child by reminding or doing for him, encourage the child to be irresponsible. Parents must learn to "mind their own business" and let the child learn from the logical consequences of his own behavior.

Distinguish between positive and negative attention if you want to influence children's behavior. Feeling unable to gain positive attention, and regarding indifference as intolerable, children resort to activities, which get them negative attention. Negative attention is the evidence that they have succeeded in accomplishing their goal.

Understand the child's goal. Every action of a child has a purpose. His basic aim is to have significance and his place in the group. A well-adjusted child has found his way toward social acceptance by cooperating with the requirements of the group and by making his own useful contribution to it. The misbehaving child is still trying, in a mistaken way, to feel important in his own world. For examples a young child who has never been allowed to dress himself (because "the parent is in a hurry"), who has not been allowed to help in the house ("you're not big enough to set the table"), may lack the feeling that he is a useful, contributing member of the family, and might feel important only when arousing a parent's anger and annoyance with misbehavior.

The four goals of misbehavior. The child is usually unaware of his goals. His behavior, though illogical to others, is consistent with his own interpretation of his place in the family group.

• Attention-getting: he wants attention and service. We respond by feeling annoyed and that we need to remind and coax him.
• Power: he wants to be the boss. We respond by feeling provoked and get into a power contest with him--"you can't get away with this!"
• Revenge: he wants to hurt us. We respond by feeling deeply hurt--"I'll get even!"
• Display of inadequacy: he wants to be left alone, with no demands made upon him. We respond by feeling despair--"I don't know what to do!"
• If your first impulse is to react in one of these four ways, you can be fairly sure you have discovered the goal of the child's misbehavior.

A child who wants to be powerful generally has a parent who also seeks power. One person cannot fight alone; when a parent learns to do nothing (by withdrawing, for example) during a power contest, the parent dissipates the child's power and can begin to establish a healthier relationship with him. The use of power teaches children only that strong people get what they want.

No habit is maintained if it loses its purpose, its benefits. Children tend to develop "bad" habits when they derive the benefit of negative attention. If crying or tantrums gets children what they want, they will continue to use those "bad" habits. If they don't work, they quit using them.

Minimize mistakes. Making mistakes is human. We must have the courage to be imperfect. The child is also imperfect. Don't make too much fuss and don't worry about his mistakes. Build on the positive, not on the negative.

A family meeting gives every member of the family a chance to express himself freely in all matters of both difficulty and pleasure pertaining to the family. The emphasis should be on "What we can do about the situation." Meet regularly at the same time each week. Rotate the leader. Keep minutes. Have an equal vote for each member. Only bring those concerns to the family meeting, which are negotiable. Require a consensus, rather than a majority vote on each decision. Some family rules are non-negotiable. Perhaps explanations or reinforcement of a rule would be appropriate.

Have fun together and thereby help to develop a relationship based on enjoyment, mutual respect, love and affection, mutual confidence and trust, and a feeling of belonging. Instead of talking to nag, scold, preach, and correct, utilize talking to maintain a friendly relationship. Speak to your child with the same respect and consideration that you would express to a good friend.


Adlerian Child Guidance Principles - http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/guid.htm

Adlerian Child Guidance Principles (Revised 3/20/98) - http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/guid.htm

Croke, Thomas J. Logical and Natural Consequences - www.bridgetounderstanding.com/a/articles/10089.shtml

Dinkmeyer, D., McKay, G.D. & Dinkmeyer, J.S. (1989). Parenting Young Children (STEP). Minnesota: American Guidance Service TVCC, November 1996. found on the web site: Thames Valley Children's Centre: http://www.tvcc.on.ca/newdocs/parentstrats3b2.html

Dinkmeyer and McKay, The special Language of Encouragement - home.rmck.net/kerrsb/secial.htm

Gibson, Elaine M. Discipline is Better Than Punishment, So what's the difference? - www.healthyplace.com/Communities/parenting/elaine/punishment.html

LeFebvre, Joan E. Natural and Logical Consequences - www.uwex.edu/ces/flp/pp/pdf/NATURAL.PDF

• www.fostercareagency.org/links.html

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Meeting the Challenge of Constructive Discipline - www.nagc.org/Publications/Parenting/discipline.html, National Association for Gifted Children

Messina, James J & Messina, Constance M. Pathfinder Rules for Use of Natural and Logical consequences - www.coping.org/pathbook/Session%202%20Consequences.doc

Molgaard, Virginia K. Use consequences, Not Punishments - www.nncc.org/Release/conseq.punish.html

Natural Consequences - www.wa.gov.dshs/fosterparents/training/natlog/nat02e.htm

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Pitzer, Ron. Major Characteristics of Natural and Logical Consequences and Punishment - www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/components/6961_03.html

St. Romaiane, Philip. Positive Parenting: Building Character in Young People - www.doitnow.org/pages/221/221ch3c.html

Schedule of Reinforcement - www.fosterparents.com/training/interventions.htm