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Power Tools : Grief And Loss

Adoptive Parenting And Grief:

by Ron Huxley, LMFT

"The only cure for grief is action."
-- George Henry Lewes

Adoptive and foster parents deal with feelings of grief. These special parents are faced with the struggle of raising children who may have come from traumatic situations and/or have a different set of genetic traits than themselves. In order to adopt a child, parents may be forced to accept the reality that they cannot give birth to their own child. Not only does the adoptive child not look like the adoptive parent, but special needs, such as attention deficits or learning disabilities, may be present. Adoptive children also know grief. They must content with the fact that they were "given up" for adoption. They may wind up feeling unwanted and unlovable. In addition, these children may feel different from other children in their family if they are the only nonbiological children present. They may have different color skin, hair, eyes, etc. and so feel inferior. These children, when older, often search for their biological parents (which can create feelings of grief for the adoptive parents) to answer the question of why they were adopted. Many times the answer they find is unpleasant and painful.

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